Breastfeeding

It just dawned on me that I have not mentioned anything with regards to breastfeeding (BF) totally this far. It was with mixed feeling that I decided to keep my breast pump for good and regain the ownership of my boobs after close to 9 months.

 

I would have to praise myself and give myself a good pat on the back since Zelyn had the privilege of being total breastfed for this long as opposed to Zethan whom was partial BF for only less than 6 months. Well it may not sound that great to some people whom might be rolling their eyes at this point since it's less than 1 year but certainly it suffice to a large extent.

 

It was a rough start of the BF career for me post partum since Zelyn had issues latching which the LC did not manage to rectify the issue. It was really upsetting since I did not manage to latch Zethan too and missed out greatly on the bonding aspect. However this time round, I was pretty much determined to push myself into exclusive pumping (EP). The second setback was my supply did not kicked in till 5th day or so which is really demoralising. I tried to stimulate the milk flow by pumping despite there is nothing yielded but I stood by the 2-3 hourly pumping. There are fair shares of good advices and encouragement as well as self appraising and proud advices by others even to the point of accusation of " oh you know you would have to wake up for midnight pumps which is tough". Trust me, it was agonizing to hear especially I am pumping every 3hrly round the clock.

 

I started to panic even though assurance from experienced LC said it is perfectly normal for milk flow to establish after 1 week and started resourcing for supplements and methods to increase the yield. Guess the obsession was indirectly stress contributing factor that might delay the flow. I resort to manual pump since it was supposed to be more efficient than electric pump. The first few pumps were very miserable with less than 1ml of colostrum after all the hard works and efforts. Not wanting to let the liquid gold go to waste, I was mad enough to syringe out to feed Zelyn or even coat it with my finger to feed her! Of course after thoroughly washing my hands.

 

I see light at the end of the tunnel on the 4th day with a vast improvement in the yield - 15ml every 3hrly. Sound pathetic and ridiculously low as it is but I was overjoyed to be motivated further by my hardwork. At the end of the day I am only yielding 45ml per pump but I persisted on. It increased to 80ml per pump the following day and by the 2nd week, the yield increase to 1100ml. In between there is an episode of engorgement after postnatal massage which is very frustrating and super duper painful. I had to get the massage lady to help massage off the engorgement and it was not even totally cleared. I had to pump every hour in order to clear the engorgement for one whole day which did affect my supply subsequently. I have read that the 2 weeks were crucial to build the supply in order to establish and stabilized the flow. I pushed myself further in order to be able to establish a stockpile of frozen BM in the freezer. As Zelyn is pretty much a small drinker thus I could freeze about 2 bags (280ml) a day and soon came the headache of insufficient storage space in the freezer despite removing the ice cube trays and allocating the whole of top shelf for BM only. I had to purchase an upright freezer with drawers to organize and freeze the BM before they 'expiry' within 6 months.

 

Midway through I had to feed her with half freshly EBM and half of FEBM otherwise I could never deplete my stash before expiry. Well okay there is this controversial thingy about feeding FEBM which is like 3months old since the body is supposed to regulate itself and BM's constitution at different stages will be tailored for that particular age thus feeding '1 month' BM when they are 3 months old might means that the nutrients received could probably be insufficient. But seriously who cares, that's the whole purpose of freezing BM isn't it, can't expect to throw them away after trying so hard for the yield, heartpain la!

 

Some might be asking then why not persist till 1 year old which is the ideal age to start off formula or even directly weaned to fresh milk. I have to confess that because of slacking and cutting corners, I dropped pumps here and there, lengthening the intervals of pumping and inevitably the supply dipped. The most drastic dip was dropping to 2 pumps a day which is a mistake and seriously to some extent I regretted it. The yield per day was less than 400ml and shortly dipped further to just 160ml per pump. I start to question myself if it is efficient to continue pumping, time spent versus yield. I struggled and fought with myself again with the familiar question of to stop or not to stop. After a long struggle, I kind of forced myself to decide okay that's it I am going to stop gradually. It took me only 3 days of single pumping per days to total no pump. The engorgement was not that bad and it was bearable so that end my career. Meanwhile she is still relying on the stash in the freezer which by the way is depleting real fast. Pretty emotional as it is not a reversible affair and yet overjoyed to regaining my freedom. Anyhow I was glad to have pushed myself thus having the stash in the freezer to prolong her TBF status.

 

Goodbye breastpump. Goodbye Breastfeeding. We will never ever get to meet again. Factory will be closed for good, no more Baby #3!