Just when we thought the worst is going to be over very soon, the worst of the worst happened. A few days before when mum should be back to help, I was rudely awaken by a phone call in the early morning. Now usually when you do received calls in the early morning mean spells trouble and indeed bad news. As suddenly as it is, my brother called to inform me that he is at the emergency with my mum and she was critically ill now?!! Even though I had just slept less than an hour back, I was wide awake with a bad sunken feeling in the tummy. She is very very ill, was sedated, intubated and had to be admitted into CCU for further investigation and monitoring. Apparently she had a mild cardiac arrest last week and stubbornly refuse to heed our advice to undergo further test after going for an ECG at a GP. She is having signs of Pneumonia which explain the difficulty in breathing and puking out of huge amount of fluid upon admission to the emergency. Her condition deteriorate drastically in the 1-2 hours. Huge panic waves washed over me but I told myself to calm down as it would not helped to panic since lots of thoughts flashed thru my mind, be positive, I reminded myself. Brief discussion with bro and instructed her with what's need to be done. Part of me had the rush to fly down but the other part of me was tied down with the 2 sleeping kids at home.
The next hour or so was unbearable, worried sick yet so helpless with no updates.by about 6am in the morning, I jumped at the rings of my mobilephone, the feeling sucks big time. The situation is so critical that we need to make the decision of having her go through Aniogram to investigate the cause. I had to request to speak to the doctor since bro wasn't giving me a good explanation of what is going on. It was suspected of either a blocked artery or probably heart disease. What's next was my question to the doctor. If blockage was pretty significant, they would abort the investigation and inform the surgeon to review for a bypass or if blockage goes under a certain percentage, stent insertion will be performed immediately. So what are the risks though its a minor surgery? She could probably suffered another cardiac arrest which is the worst case scenario. She is currently sedated for fear that she will struggle and pulled out the ventilator thus the discomfort or pain of the surgery will not be felt. My brain seem to be processing five thousands things at the same time and for a moment felt like I could not think straight. Helpless as we are, we decided to go ahead with his advice. Extreme fatigue fall upon me but this is absolutely impossible for me to fall asleep.
The next 2 hours was extremely tough and agonizing, pacing around the house, staring blankly into the air, nothing can be done, so uber helpless and all that can be done is to pray extremely hard that all goes well. The next call was form bro updating that the surgery is over and a whole artery is blocked and stent inserted. She is back in CCU and the next 24 hours will be critical even though the surgery is a success. As for recovery, it will be a long term process since the heart is much weaker than normal.
The morning whisked by with a very blank mind, not knowing what exactly am I doing. Next up would be arrangement to visit her but it's so challenging with 2 kids and no help, I rebuked the thought of bringing them especially for Zethan, do not wish to subject him to the traumatic sight. Very grateful to Zelyn's godma whom is able to help mind the 2 kids while we run to the hospital to get updates and get through the admission documentation. I had to mentally remind myself repeatedly to be prepared at the sight it is going to be, ventilated and hundreds of wires and equipment hooked onto her.
However hard I tried and prepared myself, I could only managed to step into the CCU, took a look at her and for the next 5 minutes absorbed the heart wrenching sight without breathing a word. It was such a rude shock and I could feel my head spinning. I had to step out to take a breather and try to ask and speak to the doctor on her updates and what to monitor and expect for the next few days. No committment on the recovery only to cite possible scenarios; critically the fluid in the lungs need to subside possibly taking a few days, reducing the sedation, getting off the ventilator and breathing on her own.
And as expected, the moment babe ask me to reenter and speak to her and assure her, I broke down immediately. I am certainly in a bad shape to speak to her and do not wish to being my negativities near her lest making her worry. I simply could not control my sobbing for the next few moments and was glad that he offered to talk to her instead. Afterwhich we stepped out with bro and discussed on the probable scenarios and what is to be expected, taking baby steps one thing at a time.
It was a relief that she was removed of the ventilator the next day in the night and was able to talk for a brief moment, we spoke on the phone. All I can do meanwhile was to go around praying for her recovery and safety, looking forward to seeing her back at home real soon. At the same time, the worrying does not stop. I was so badly traumatized by the series of events that I turn so jumpy when the phone rings for the next few days.
She was discharged after a good 5 days which felt like 5 long years and was back at home safely. The stress was built upon me having to care for her as well as the 2 kids with no help as per se. Everyday was more than hectic, rushing against time to get things done.
It was a real stressful week of my life, constant worries, plans all thrown off balance, uncertainties on what is going to happen next and what to expect next, all the thousands whats if and whats not. It felt like I have died a thousand times those few days. Even though she is back at home, I had to watch out for her every day and every night to ensure she is all good and to observe that she is not unwell and not telling us. I could not managed a good night sleep. Balancing between not to be too naggy to her giving unforeseen stress yet crucial to remind her on what she need to watch out for. Now it's a matter of recuperating and speedy recovery to nurse her back to good health, praying hard.
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