Yes I had nearly forgotten how to breathe or rather hardly have time even to breathe! I had not even finished my draft here, no updates of our life, the 2 kids and even the full month party, all definitely had to take a backseat and that's if I ever remember to blog about them in time to come, one fine day.
The past week had been pretty trying for all of us and hectic seem to be an understatement here. So what had happened?!! Well basically mum had to leave and we are left alone to fend for ourselves. Yes me alone with 2 kids, a toddler and an infant. I had always thought during my preggy days that tough as it may be, there is always a way to work things out to sail past the days however the 1st 2 days alone proved me more than wrong!
Started getting cold feet 1-2 days before mum left even though we try out being on our own for the weekends and the National Day PH but we are talking about both hub and myself at home and Zethan is not having school on these days. A good start, Yes but in reality, No. It seem pretty manageable but surprise! it is so very tough and exhausting.
On the very first day - 16 Aug 2012, the day was nerve wrecking. Crashing at 2am in the night after exhausting efforts to pacify the infant in bed plus expressing, having to wake up at 6am again is like Hello...did I even sleep? So it's feeding, burping, pumping, housechores, wake Zethan, prepare Zethan for school (brush teeth, milk feed, clean up, changed), changing myself, changing meimei before we can head to school. Don't you feel exhausted just looking at the list of to dos every morning.
Of course it did not stopped there. Sent Zethan to school, walked home, feeding time again, prepare lunch and before you know it, time's up to fetch Zethan! The disadvantage of having 2hours only preschool program and the distance too near for cab or any school bus facility. Then returning home start another mad rush again, fed Zethan lunch and meimei was not at all cooperative by refusing to nap and had to be carried at all times otherwise wailed like being abused when all she did was just being in the cot for 5 mins of eh eh eh.
Post lunch it's trying to fit in bath time for both kids which is mission impossible since meimei cannot be left alone. Zethan had been a very good child by entertaining himself with his toys while I fight with the meimei, trying to put her to nap which you might have guessed it, failed big time. It was then I felt really upset with myself failing a simple task of putting her to nap, felt like such a major failure seriously. Guilt of rushing through Zethan's lunch, delays in his shower and naptime did not make me feel any bit good and only make things worst. I broke down!
I had to leave meimei alone to settle Zethan's shower and naptime, stealing the fastest shower for myself before she protest and scream down the house. Her bath was only managed in the later afternoon. Not to forget trying to steal some time amid the madness to express. I was freaking out big time, stress level hitting the scale of 11 even if it only max at 10, things are not turning out as I thought it would be. Lots of thoughts ran through my mind, what should I do, how do I handle them, how do I cope, do I have to stop breastfeeding, will tomorrow be better and so on and so forth. Wasn't I glad to see the hub home, at the very least an extra pair of hands, to carry meimei when she is at her all time cranky mood.
After some discussion with the hub. he will try to fetch Zethan back from school saving me the trouble to lug meimei there again and I could use the time either to bath her and/or express so that I could focus on the korkor when he is back from school. It somehow worked the following day and I was more than glad that it is friday and followed by long weekend due to Hari Raya holiday so hub will be home for the next 3 days for all of us to settle down.
We have seen great improvements over the past week with meimei over the transitional period, guess she is adjusting too from being used to my mum. Perhaps the scent and voices are different thus she do feel insecure and needed lots more cuddling as before. At least I could put her to nap a few times in the day so having more time to do my chores. I was glad that things appear much better than the fateful 1st day, survived through the 1st week while trying to fine tune the daily routine.
Thankfully meimei can be declared officially as slept through the night from about 6 weeks similar to Zethan. Having said that it take her quite a while to settle down in bed after her last feed and I could only turn in for the night after expressing, again it's like 2am on a good day. I am not complaining here and was grateful to have 4-5 hours of undisturbed sleep before her next feed in the morning. I have learnt to sleep through my engorgement rather than waking to express which is for sure bad for the supply, sleep is so deprived and so precious now it's considered as a luxury.
I must have think too highly of myself thus the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment which set me thinking "what have I got myself into?!!" Have I been too hard on myself? Regardless of whatever it is, I would still need to cope and handle myself. Tomorrow will be a better day, definitely! Need to be optimistic!
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